To Want
by anxious.soul
Summary: In which Bucky springs something on a sleepy Tony and the genius doesn't take it so well, panic attacks and comforting ensues. (Day 4 of WinterIron Week 2019)


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers**

**Warnings/Tags: Canon Divergence, Post-Avengers 2012, Adopted Children, Boys Kissing, Panic Attacks**

**Day 4 of Winteriron Week 2019.**

**Day 4 Prompts (all have been used): Surprise Hugs/ "I want a baby"/ Panic Attack.**

**Cross-posted on my AO3 with a collage.**

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The genius had been in his workshop for a few days and was more or less completely out of it. He was in dire need of sleep when Bucky snuck up behind him and tackled him into a hug. Tony didn't have time to react and made a squawking sound as he flailed ever so slightly at the surprise hug.

"What?" He mumbles turning his head to see Bucky grinning from where the taller man's head lay on his shoulder. Delicate kisses tickled Tony's skin as Bucky's lips moved closer and closer to his ear,

"I. Love. You." Bucky mumbles into the soft flesh as gently pecked up Tony's neck. There was the telltale feeling of breath hitting Tony's ear as the man came to a stop in his kissing, his voice lowered as he whispered, "I want a baby."

**—LINE BREAK—**

Tony froze. He wasn't sure if he'd heard his partner right or if Bucky was serious. He must've croaked our something because Bucky was repeating himself again as he pressed a kiss against his cheek. The genius was utterly frozen. He didn't know what to think or how to react. His defence mechanism took hold of him.

So he fled.

He fled back down to his workshop and locked the door. No one in and no one out. The minute the door closed, Tony fell to the floor and leaned against the door. His hands clutched at his hair, tugging and pulling. His chest was tight and he felt breathless. His body shook. Trembling like a room during an earthquake, his whole body shivered uncontrollably as he panted heavily. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes.

He was hyperventilating.

He couldn't breathe.

His arc reactor ached as his lungs pushed painfully against it.

He thought he might pass out.

Then everything seemed to stop. The room fell into focus and the overwhelming quiet noises that seemed deafening to his panicking body faded. There were arms around him.

**—LINE BREAK—**

Tony recognised Bucky not through sight or the feel of his metal arm but through his smell. The familiar and comforting scent made up of metal, gun oil and strawberries (don't judge, Bucky loves his strawberry shampoo). The genius all but sunk into Bucky's hold, burrowing his face into the man's neck and hair whilst his limbs loosened; the tension was swept from his body as his partner knew just what spots to press down on in Tony's neck, shoulders and back.

"It's okay, breathe, Doll, breathe." Tony heard Bucky whisper into his ear as his sense of hearing faded back into existence, cutting off the sharp ringing sound that only he could hear. When Tony was calm and could breathe, Bucky began to talk slowly and gently, "I am so sorry for springing that on you, Tony. I didn't mean to make you have an attack. I should've talked to you about it in a controlled environment instead of just springing it on you like that." Bucky murmured before he pressed a kiss to Tony's head.

"I…I…err…"

"It's okay. You don't have to speak." He whispered when it became apparent that Tony's tongue wasn't going to work properly, "How about we go to bed and cuddle?" Tony nodded his head and let out a slight squeak when Bucky picked him up and carried him off to the lift.

In the penthouse, Bucky gently placed Tony in the covers, he took off both his and Tony's shoes before crawling under the covers and holding his genius protectively and comfortably. Soon they drifted off to sleep with their bodies pressed together.

**—LINE BREAK—**

"I'm sorry for freaking out," Tony whispered into the silent room when he felt Bucky's breathing change and so he knew his partner was awake.

"No, Doll, you don't need to apologise," The soldier murmured clutching Tony tighter, "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have said that."

"Bucky-"

"It was sudden and it was stupid. Stevie and I had been on a run around the park and I saw kids and their parents just…smiling and being happy. There was this little girl, she was running around with her dad and then…he picked her up and spun her around. It was…it was so innocent. Her giggles seemed to carry through the air and…and it made me want…want that. That laughter…that infectious laughter and genuine happiness." Bucky paused to breathe but Tony spoke before the soldier could continue,

"I want that too." It was so quiet that Bucky only heard Tony thanks to his enhanced hearing. Yet he wasn't sure if what he'd heard was something formed from his own desires or if Tony had truly said those words,

"What?" Was all he could utter,

"Buck, I want that too." Tony murmured again, turning around to face Bucky and cup one of his cheeks, "I want nothing more than to have a kid to call our own. To protect and love and raise a small being into this world. But, I never brought it up because it was always a fantasy for me. I don't believe I could raise a child and not destroy it." This time Bucky interrupted, placing his hand over the one still on his cheek,

"Tony. Doll. I _know_ you can raise a child. You would _never_ destroy him or her. You know how I know this?" Bucky pressed a kiss against Tony's wrist, "because you are not your father. You are so much better than him and I can say that 'cause I knew the man. Doll, you don't have to worry. If we do have a kid, we'll both fuck up a few times, it's part of raising a kid. You make mistakes, that's part of life."

"You'll… you'll make sure I never get out of hand, right?" Those large cinnamon eyes that Bucky loved so much were swimming with hope and trust,

"I know you won't. But if it will make you feel better, I will make sure nothing happens as long as you can promise to do the same with me." Tony looked at him like he was an idiot for thinking he, Bucky, would do anything but the soldier just stared him down,

"Okay. I promise."

"And I promise you." Bucky pulled Tony in and kissed him slowly yet passionately as though it was their first kiss. Except, this time, they were promising each other something more than just straightforward romance.

**—LINE BREAK—**

They adopted a little boy just under two years, who'd been orphaned a few months prior when his parents died in a plane crash. His hair was curly and soft, his locks were the perfect shade of brown that seemed to be a lighter version of Tony and Bucky's dark brown hair. His eyes were perfect, Bucky's words, they were almost replicas of Tony's cinnamon and whiskey ones. He was shy. He was quiet. His laughter infectious and brightened up the room. Everyone loved him and he loved everyone back. He had taken an interest in Tony's work, which was fine because Bucky enjoyed watching Tony work even though he barely understood a word of it. It became apparent that their son was taking after his dad, Tony, rather than his papa, Bucky, which was also fine because neither wanted their son to be into spy-like things and all that.

Oh, his name?

Peter Parker -scratch that.

_Peter Parker-Stark-Barnes._

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**Here's my tumblr if you're interested, it also has the story collages: anxious- - -soul (no spaces between the dashes but sucks and wouldn't allow the dashes without spaces)**

**Anyway,**  
**Thank you for reading,**  
**Hope you enjoyed this,**  
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**Bye~**


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